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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 22, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It's important, as Kipling said, to treat triumph and disaster both the same, but it seems all you ever get are mild satisfaction and vague disappointment.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You're trying to live healthier, but you'll continue refusing to give up cigars, since they're still the best way to light the dynamite you throw into children's hospitals.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will soon be judged by a jury of your peers, which is a good thing, as people who weren't also self-centered drunken assholes would probably want you dead.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll ask the tool salesman for a drill press that can bore all the way through a bowling pin the long way, but he'll know damn well what you really want it for.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll be asked to give up your destructive patterns of behavior by concerned people who love you but don't understand how much fun it is to destroy things.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The blessed arrival of a baby in your life would be greeted with a lot more joy if you could figure out who mailed it to you.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Investigators on the scene of the accident will say there was nothing you could have done, unless you count not stomping on the gas and driving straight into the huge tanker truck.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Someday, people will have healthy, well-adjusted attitudes toward sex, but until then, you can still have it occasionally.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your ravenous hunger for human flesh will be quashed when you find out how it's made and how much artificial crap is in it.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will be granted an uncommonly long life, though an uncommonly large part of it will be spent getting into bus accidents.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    There will be a brief cease-fire in the age-old war between the sexes as both sides cooperate in hunting you down and trying you for war crimes.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The flaw in your plan was the part where your accomplice would start a fire, and in the confusion, you would sneak into the hilosophy department and finish writing your dissertation.
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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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