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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Your Horoscopes – Week of March 27, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll experience a desire to strengthen old bonds of friendship, so it's really too bad that everyone who has known you for more than two years hates you.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll be roundly condemned by members of the Academy of Country Music when, despite their specific instructions, you let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Mercury in retrograde in your sign is a signal that you're about to be run over by some guy backing up his Mercury, which is in turn a sign that the Zodiac is getting just plain lazy.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    While the smiling old woman isn't lying about her award-winning cupcakes, she is withholding crucial information regarding the depraved and sadistic nature of the local cupcake awards.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You thought a life of safari adventures, epic cookouts, and jungle cats awaited you, but it turns out the local Waffle House was not in fact advertising for a "lion cook."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You find yourself unable to comply with simple requests this week, as you lack the internal resources to "be cool," "get down," or "boogie."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    This sign of the Zodiac will be phased out this week and its duties subsumed by other signs. During this time of change, please assume that you will have a torrid romance with a stranger or be hit by a train.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The stars indicate you will wonder for the rest of your life what would have happened if you had just gone ahead and kissed that girl at the party the other night.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll be devastated but not surprised to learn your life is a cheap remake of that of St. Pilaster of Avens, who died in 1421 in a very similar grease fire.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    While the pursuit of true love should be your guiding principle in life, the girl at the coffee shop will melt the eyes out of your head with a well-aimed pot of French Roast Sumatran if you don't stop bothering her.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Only minor and mostly cosmetic changes this week.

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