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Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 8, 2011

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 8, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You're starting to think about settling down, finding a nice little place, starting a family, maybe eventually even getting some clothes.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Don't worry: There's absolutely nothing wrong with your goals, as long as you realize they're unrealistic and you can never actually achieve them.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Rescue personnel will stretch the English language, the human voice, and the average person's constitution to unprecedented limits while trying to describe the horrible sounds you'll make next week.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    This is a good month to take long trips, as long as you travel in a slow, ground-based vehicle without all that much fuel in it.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The habit is certainly awkward for your friends and family members, but this would actually be a bad time to discontinue your practice of carrying a battle-ax to church.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The constellation Virgo has seen you gazing at her in silent supplication, and she has this message for you: Her eyes are up here.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll be astounded to learn this week that, in certain less-than-legitimate circumstances, monkeys do come in barrels, but they are no fun whatsoever.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You've succeeded in breeding pandas in captivity, but the hard part will be getting them to breed with each other.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You always wanted to die peacefully at home in your sleep, but look at it this way: You'll be at home, all right, and the flames will spread so fast you'll only be awake for a few seconds.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You're spending less time con≠sidering your future these days, which, all things considered, is only appropriate.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. Push your grandmother in front of a bus this week.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Time and space are both illusions, making it even more frustrating that you're always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

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