Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

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Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
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Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your life story will bring much-needed happiness and laughter to the world, especially the hilarious ending.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Sadly, there is nothing in this world that can ever bring back your dead loved ones. Happily, most things in the world can be used to send your hated ones away.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your life will seem boring and empty until you discover what that otherwise useless other gender is actually for.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It's a mixed week for you regarding personal triumphs. You will win a longstanding argument with an obstinate Pisces, but lose your long-running battle with Cancer.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Though it often seems hilarious, the powers that be are far from indifferent to your cries of suffering and pleas for help. They think they're downright sickening.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will wake from the best sleep of your life to find that you've been catapulted through the windshield by the force of the airbag deploying.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The stars indicate that tomorrow will be a good day to die a noble death in the service of humanity. Unfortunately, they have bad news for you about this afternoon.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Sometimes people don't say what they really mean. For instance, they may say the words "big fat stupid asshole" when they really mean "big dumb jerkasaurus."
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will become an inspiration to thousands of teens when your tragic tale of sexual profligacy and rampant drug abuse is turned into the coolest PSA of all time.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    While it's true that 2012 is your year, that just means you're responsible for its upkeep and maintenance, so you'd really better get going on that.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your inner beauty makes you shine with the light of a thousand stars, which is appropriate, as in broad daylight you're actually not that impressive.


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