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Your Horoscopes – Week Of May 22, 2012

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Entertainment

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes – Week Of May 22, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    No one can argue effectively without the correct set of tools, so make sure you have a hammer in each hand.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Just take things one day at a time this week, even though you're up against a race of impossibly advanced aliens who can move through time at will.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Fire and water magicks are strong in your sign this week, so maybe it's time to consider quitting your job on that offshore oil rig.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will be caught utterly and completely off-guard by next week's events, causing you to wish once again that you had some sort of way to tell the future.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    While it's true you're not the brightest person around, take solace in the fact that you're not going to win any beauty contests, either.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Although at first it seems impossible to believe the zookeeper's story of how you were switched at birth, the fact remains that you're the only giraffe in your office.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    This week it will seem you must either tell your secret love about your feelings or die. Next week, of course, you will die.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Some trouble looms at work next week when first the boss decides to fire half the staff and then those people get mad and decide to murder everybody.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    No real change for your star sign this week, unless you're one of those over-sensitive types who lets it get to them when the White House explodes.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    After a solid decade of enduring horrifying and unrelenting psychosexual nightmares, you will finally meet the man of your dreams.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You finally win the love and admiration of all American citizens now that it means exactly jack shit.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Seriously, if kielbasa on a roll with coleslaw and barbecue sauce isn't the best thing in the entire world, the stars would like to know just what is.

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