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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 23, 2011

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 23, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Sometimes words are simply not enough to express how someone is feeling, which is why people keep insisting on defecating on your doorstep.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your quest to become the World's Greatest Lover will be derailed as you continue only meeting people who think you'd be a really great parent.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your old solution isn't going to work on your new problem. Try drinking twice as much of it.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You've often said you'd like a word with whoever is responsible for all the bullshit, leaving you conflicted when you're promoted to manager of all the bullshit.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It will be nothing short of inspiring to see how quickly the community mobilizes once your profile goes up on the dating sites.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll narrowly avoid an unlikely set of circumstances that almost sees you married to a horse, but you'll still be joined in matrimony to the two guys who were in the horse suit.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Although you'll admit you enjoy the new Doctor Who, you resent being referred to as "the kind of person who likes the new Doctor Who."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The attention will be nice and all, but until Thursday you'll have no idea there is a world record for Amount of Crap Put Up with in a Lifetime.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your inability to be spontaneous is well known, which will leave people struggling to put a name to what happens when you combust without warning next Wednesday.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    This is an excellent time for romance in the workplace, leaving you wishing you hadn't signed that pesky form saying you wouldn't have any.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll experience a sense of bone-deep certainty that you have not lived in vain now that "lying down on top of things" has actually become a fad.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You'll build a better mousetrap, all right, but your mousetrap will be so terrifyingly good that people will avoid beating a path to your door for the sake of their own mortal souls.

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