Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 25, 2010

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Vol 46 Issue 21

Work Friend Accidentally Becomes Real Friend

ATLANTA—"It's like everything had shifted," Eric Phipps said. "All of a sudden, I was stopping by his cubicle to ask about his woodworking project, and he was at mine giving me the name of a good chiropractor my sister should try for her back spasms. Then somehow I suddenly had his personal e-mail address."

Area Man Visits Haiti To Check Up On $10 Donation

PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI—Three months after a 7.0 earthquake rocked the impoverished island nation of Haiti, 36-year-old Brad Halder visited its demolished capital to see firsthand how his $10 donation to a relief fund was being spent.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 25, 2010

  • Aries

    Aries

    Your bold, take-no-prisoners attitude has made you who you are today: one of the least successful criminal prosecutors in the country.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Despite your attempts to make it look like an accident, investigators will immediately suspect you of burning down your wife for the insurance money.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Your inquisitive nature will soon see you demanding answers to a series of questions ranging from "Huh?" to "Who the—?" and "Whazzat?
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you're made of.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You will soon meet the greatest love of your life, which, unfortunately, has less to do with the quality of the former than the brevity of the latter.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    An old adage will be proven wrong this Thursday when bad things come to you in two-hundred-and-forty-threes.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Your perfectionist streak will consume you this week when you attempt to posit the world's single most precise chaos theory.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Who's to say what's right and what's wrong, except maybe for all those police officers, the presiding district court judge, and a horrified jury of your peers.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    After decades of soul-searching and inward reflection, you'll finally realize this week that the question of God was always intended to be rhetorical.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    The alignment of the stars and the planets this week can only mean one thing: You're looking at a very simplistic, two-dimensional model of our solar system.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You've never really imagined yourself as the committed type, but a state-appointed psychiatrist will soon prove you wrong.
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