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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 28, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your body will soon go through a series of new and exciting changes, thanks in large part to the amazing reconstructive work of Dr. Howard Rosenthall.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Remember: It's always a good idea to wait at least 30 minutes before going ahead and defecating in the pool.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your big mouth will get you in a lot of trouble this week, though it's actually your small jaw that'll be to blame.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Life may seem like one big game to you, which explains the little plastic tokens, the six-sided dice, and your repeated utterances of "sorry!"
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Due to adverse weather conditions and severe delays, your next stop this evening will no longer be "Party Town!"
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Take the stars’ word for it: That guy Dave from work really has it coming.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll have a hard time controlling yourself this week, but then that's what the serene-looking men in lab coats are here for.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The otherworldly spirit of William Safire will visit you this evening and spend the next three hours correcting every grammatical mistake you've ever made.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle may seem odd to some, especially considering the two of you are only going grocery shopping.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    While teaching the lowland gorilla how to communicate is entirely possible, getting the self-obsessed primate to shut the hell up is a whole other story.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Turns out it's actually a grease fire, that pitcher is filled with gasoline, and all those firefighters are merely strippers.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You'll once again fall for the oldest trick in the book this week, moments after picking up a copy of the King James Bible.
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