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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 29, 2012

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Entertainment

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 29, 2012

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You'll wake up in strangers' beds five times this week, which should be all the proof you need that you should meet more people.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Sometimes it's useful to be literal-minded, but for the love of God, please stop coming up with new ways to skin a cat.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    It's nice that you finally found someone to love and who also loves you, but a moment's consideration should be all you need to realize that this does not constitute an adequate reason to live.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Okay, the stars are sorry that they made you wear a gorilla suit all last week for what turned out to be no reason, but it's really, truly, vitally important that you wear a Carmen Miranda fruit hat everywhere for the next few days.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars indicate that fortune is in your future this week. Really. All 140 trillion of them in the known universe talked it over in one of their star meetings and they all agreed that yeah, you're getting lots of money.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Take heart: A higher power does indeed hear your prayers, and as soon as it can figure out exactly where they're coming from, it's going to do something about them once and for all.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will begin to see things differently this week when your eyes are suddenly replaced with a set of novelty video filters.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    It's not that people won't care when you fall screaming and flaming from the sky next week. They've just gotten used to you by now is all.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Playing the lottery every week and losing should give you insights into what's wrong with your life, particularly because you almost never recognize any of the winning numbers.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You love saying that Jesus never said a word against your lifestyle, but in fact He spoke out many times against the practice of murdering people in cold blood.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will be spiritually elevated to a new dimension, but unfortunately it will only be a new dimension in storage solutions for home and office.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    While it may not be true that everyone has something they do better than anyone else, the stars cannot remember the last time they so enjoyed watching someone flee angry zoo animals.

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