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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 9, 2011

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 9, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    After a long, sweaty, painful time trying to fix a knotty problem yourself, you'll finally admit defeat and call in a real thoracic surgeon.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll become frustrated and depressed when, after approaching beautiful women with the corny line "I must paint you," you find it actually works like a charm.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    A horrifying incident with a knife-thrower, a chainsaw-juggler, and a fire-eater will result in grievous bodily harm, although it's kind of a surprise that it mostly involves being hit by a bus.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars are sorry, but someone has already thought of starting a band with two of each instrument in it. It wasn't all that great an idea then, either.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You aren't the first person to try to change someone after falling in love, but you might be the first to try to unfold that someone into a robot.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The powers-that-be will get back to you on that pesky legal matter with the news that they're sorry, but you can't be officially recognized as the first blind person to drive across North America if you put out your eyes just before crossing the finish line.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Some say the world will end in ice, some fire. However, the end of your personal world will be most notable for banal remarks on the humidity.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    While it's true there is no plumbing the depths of the human heart, you'll come up with some novel ideas about its heating and electrical wiring.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your theory that there are only two types of people in the world won't go over well with the only other survivor of this week's global thermonuclear holocaust.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You've always considered yourself a belt-and-suspenders type, but all everyone else seems to focus on is your lack of pants.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Buck up: You still have a lot of life ahead of you, even if the good part was over years ago.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will fall into a pattern of self-destructive behavior this week when you discover how much fun that sort of thing is.

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