adBlockCheck

Entertainment

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
End Of Section
  • More News

Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 12, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It's not so much your intimacy issues, or even your commitment issues that will stand in your way. It's your Uncanny X-men issues.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll lose your oldest and dearest friend to smoking this week, shortly after running out of cigarettes.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Life has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, which isn't surprising, considering what a complete jerk life can be.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You look handsome and dashing in your brand new suit. Now, if only a close friend or relative would die, you'd be all set.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    There's nothing harder in the world than losing a child, especially when wagering with a full house.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'd pretty much kill for the chance to start things over again, which come to think of it, is how you got yourself into this mess to begin with.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    It will be born with ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes, much to the horror of everyone at the reptile breeding center.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Don't worry: They're not laughing at your repeated and costly failures. They're laughing with your repeated and costly failures.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Most women are attracted to power and status, but then the stars don't need to tell you that, Mr. General Manager of the Court Street Baskin-Robbins.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Just when things seem to be going your way, the baboons will suddenly and violently wake up.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Remember: Love is more than just feelings of infatuation and attraction and lust. Usually, there's a few feet of rope also involved.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The presence of Jupiter in your fourth house indicates newfound personal maturity. The presence of empty pizza boxes in your first apartment, however, suggests otherwise.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close