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Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 26, 2013

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 26, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your bold, take-no-prisoners attitude has made you who you are today: one of the least successful criminal prosecutors in the country.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Despite your attempts to make it look like an accident, investigators will immediately suspect you of burning down your wife for the insurance money.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your inquisitive nature will soon see you demanding answers to a series of questions ranging from "Huh?" to "Who the—?" and "Whazzat?
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you're made of.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will soon meet the greatest love of your life, which, unfortunately, has less to do with the quality of the former than the brevity of the latter.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    An old adage will be proven wrong this Thursday when bad things come to you in two-hundred-and-forty-threes.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your perfectionist streak will consume you this week when you attempt to posit the world's single most precise chaos theory.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Who's to say what's right and what's wrong, except maybe for all those police officers, the presiding district court judge, and a horrified jury of your peers.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    After decades of soul-searching and inward reflection, you'll finally realize this week that the question of God was always intended to be rhetorical.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The alignment of the stars and the planets this week can only mean one thing: You're looking at a very simplistic, two-dimensional model of our solar system.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You've never really imagined yourself as the committed type, but a state-appointed psychiatrist will soon prove you wrong.

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