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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of November 8, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    A shocking revelation will shake you to the core of your being this week, which is odd, because it's merely the fact that the Doobie Brothers aren't actual brothers.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Although you always thought you'd be forced to mature when you had children, it turns out you fathered a son years ago and nothing's changed.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You've always described yourself as someone who hates long goodbyes, but you've been standing on the edge of that bridge for three days now.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your deep-seated belief that there is meaning and purpose to the universe will be sorely tested this week, but only by the usual crap that always happens.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Trying to eat healthier and exercise more is admirable, but only when combined with not running blindly into traffic out of sheer depression.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    After pondering what truly separates man from the animals, you're pretty sure that whatever it is should really be between you and the slavering wolverine.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll be reduced to a caricature this week, but at least it's the cool one where you smash through a glass coffee table while coked out of your mind.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Mars rising in your sign this week means it's already November, and you've spent the past four months in an alcoholic haze.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You'll learn a valuable lesson about sharing this week, proving the effectiveness of hiring a top-rated sharing instructor.

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