Your Horoscopes - Week Of November 8, 2011

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Vol 47 Issue 45

Previously On

ABC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST This week’s Previously On gets you all caught up on what happened last week, just as it did last week, and the week before. And what was that? Tune in tonight (or next week) to find out!

House Hunters International

HGTV 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST A mother-daughter duo go all in for larger caliber rifles after seeing a three-story Victorian.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of November 8, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries

    A shocking revelation will shake you to the core of your being this week, which is odd, because it's merely the fact that the Doobie Brothers aren't actual brothers.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Although you always thought you'd be forced to mature when you had children, it turns out you fathered a son years ago and nothing's changed.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    You've always described yourself as someone who hates long goodbyes, but you've been standing on the edge of that bridge for three days now.
  • Leo

    Leo

    While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Your deep-seated belief that there is meaning and purpose to the universe will be sorely tested this week, but only by the usual crap that always happens.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Trying to eat healthier and exercise more is admirable, but only when combined with not running blindly into traffic out of sheer depression.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    After pondering what truly separates man from the animals, you're pretty sure that whatever it is should really be between you and the slavering wolverine.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You'll be reduced to a caricature this week, but at least it's the cool one where you smash through a glass coffee table while coked out of your mind.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    Mars rising in your sign this week means it's already November, and you've spent the past four months in an alcoholic haze.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You'll learn a valuable lesson about sharing this week, proving the effectiveness of hiring a top-rated sharing instructor.
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