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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Your Horoscopes - Week of October 04, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The inexorable power of destiny would render you powerless to stop the fateful events of next week, were anything ever to actually happen to you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You've always believed you should go with your gut in important matters, which is why every major decision in your life has been accompanied by chili-cheese fries.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Although you've always claimed you'd quit when you thought you'd reached your peak, you'll find it easy to keep going when no one seems to think you'll ever improve.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You take pride in being able to take whatever life throws at you, but you really weren't expecting this many opossums.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    After all you've been through, it's nice to know that lightning doesn't strike twice. Strangely, it turns out that's not true for falling safes or pianos.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You've tried leaving poems at the scene, leaving signature marks, and only working on Sundays, but the papers insist on merely calling you "The Nickname-less Killer."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You've always had a strong fight-or-flight reflex, which turns out to be completely useless when negotiating for the best price on a bedroom set.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You've finally risen to the top of your profession only to find the world's other 450,000 deep-fryer operators are pretty much there, too.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You're really getting tired of the meme of the dead hooker in the trunk, as no one ever seems to acknowledge how much work the whole situation can be.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll experience a breathtaking whirlwind romance this week when it's endlessly recounted by a long- winded co-worker.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've avoided throwing the baby out with the bathwater. However, you're now left with the problem of how to dispose of a clean but rapidly drying baby.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You won't be thanked for helping to solve a major social problem when people decide to give all the credit to the guy who made the bumper sticker.
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