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Your Horoscopes — Week of October 8, 2013

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes — Week of October 8, 2013

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Everyone enjoys a good party, but try to control your childlike glee now that you're finally 10 years old.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll finally get into shape this week, though which one exactly, isn't clear yet.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Try to break your habit of turning to anonymous sources for general advice on your problems.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll confront your problems head-on this Thursday, which is rather unfortunate, as your problems involve a mountain goat.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Though you are covered with pink fur, have a soft red rubber nose, and utter four simple phrases, you are by no means suitable for children.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll finally open up about your innermost hopes and dreams this week, though the whole thing will be pretty hard to hear with everyone laughing so damn hard.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Remember to take things one day at a time this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Lately it seems all your imaginary friends just want to sit around all day and watch television.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your plans for the weekend seem simple enough, but they present a challenge when you realize you have no idea how to "get some girls."
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Clear and direct communication is key to a successful marriage. Try ending all of your domestic exchanges with "Roger that, good buddy."
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Though you've been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn't kill you, the coroner's report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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