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Your Horoscopes - Week Of September 14, 2010

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week Of September 14, 2010

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    A neighbor will approach you under the guise of borrowing a cup of sugar. Provide him or her with sugar, but be prepared for more to be revealed in the fullness of time.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will get a haircut this week. However, when people ask if you got a haircut, you will enigmatically say, "Yes, I got them all cut."
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The angels do in fact hear your prayers. In fact, they record them and play them back for fun at their laughter-filled angel parties.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll finally stumble upon a copy of the secret book of the Jews only to find it bears an uncanny similarity to the first few chapters of the Bible.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    When your life's work is utterly destroyed in the blink of an eye, you will finally learn once and for all to save before the boss fights.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    It will take considerable amounts of food, water, and oxygen, followed by a long period of sleep, to preserve your life for but a single day, a routine doctors say won't work forever.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will have a potentially fatal problem that you at first believe the DJ cannot fix, but as it turns out he can do it in the mix, thereby saving your life.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll achieve your life's goal of becoming sex on wheels only to realize what a poor locomotive choice wheels are for someone who wants to have a lot of sex.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You'll be diagnosed with a rare condition that makes it impossible for you to get started in the morning unless you have, like, three cups of coffee.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Although most of the jabs at your mother's weight are obvious hyperbole, even you will admit that she has a propensity to sit around the house.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will be assured that a certain item is made with the same quality and care as certain other items, but you will have reason to believe this is not the case.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    They've laughed at you for keeping condoms in your wallet "just in case," but never as hard as they will this week.

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