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Your Horoscopes - Week of September 27, 2011

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Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Your Horoscopes - Week of September 27, 2011

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    There aren't many people who get as angry at a poorly made Manhattan cocktail as you do, making it very easy for investigators to figure out what happened.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Mars enters your sign this week at a very delicate moment, but because it's the planet of war and not sensitivity, it just stands there and talks while you're on the can.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Sometimes little things mean a lot, as is demonstrated by the microscopic cluster of rapidly growing cancer cells in your pancreas.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've honestly been trying hard to be a better person, but by Friday you'll discover you have a favorite professional wrestler.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You've always wondered if you'd ever be in a situation where the wisdom contained in the lyrics of Hank Williams, Jr. songs didn't apply, and for you, the answer is "not yet."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You've long wished you could go back to high school knowing what you know now, but you always thought there would be magical time-travel involved when it happened.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You're always the first to help a friend in need, but only when it means sneaking bulky, plastic-wrapped packages out of hotels in the middle of the night.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    It's been more than 25 years since you were raised by wolves, so stop using that as an excuse for eating pizza with a fork like some kind of jerk.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    While it's true military budgets are being slashed across the board, don't get any ideas. They could still slaughter you if they had to.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll learn a painful lesson about accepting dares while drunk, but at least the residents of Niagara Falls will have something to talk about for a while.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You always thought ladybugs were such cute, innocent insects, but it turns out that in sufficent numbers, any creature can gnaw one's leg down to the bone.

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