Your Horoscopes - Week Of September 7, 2010

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Vol 46 Issue 36

Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences

LOS ANGELES—Paramount Pictures confirmed Monday the Dec. 23 release date for Avatar 2KX, a remake of the beloved 2009 sci-fi thriller Avatar that will bring the story into the modern era with faster-paced action sequences and cutting-e...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Your Horoscopes - Week Of September 7, 2010

  • Aries

    Aries

    Remember, it's never too late to fall in love. It's just too late to fall in the kind of love that isn't a cynical compromise based on a fear of dying alone.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You'll become the sworn enemy of men's magazine readers nationwide when you publicly state that Bullitt wasn't that great of a movie.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    You'll stumble onto a great little trattoria with excellent food and a terrific wine list, but what you'll really need is a well-equipped burn ward.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    This week will send you plunging into a pit of depression at the realization that Stevie Wonder will probably not live forever.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Raise your voice in anger and rail against the gods all you want, but they only have it in blue and not in your size.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Your love life will hum along like a well-oiled machine, thanks largely to a new formulation of oil and a clever little Swedish machine.
  • Libra

    Libra

    "In The Hall Of The Mountain King" is a strange choice for a first dance between husband and wife, but the walrus trainer insists.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    You've never been the type to believe in love at first sight, or anything else even slightly romantic, for that matter.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You'll start to wonder if people aren't getting a little too political after you're blasted in the media for being soft on education and the economy.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Stop worrying about what people think of you, especially since it's so complicated you probably wouldn't be able to understand it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but you still have that 10 bucks you found on the sidewalk the other day.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Your ex will finally stop by to get all his stuff, which is weird because you didn't think anyone saw you take it.
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