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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture:

  • ECONOMY

    The nation’s growing industrial sector is capable of supporting a population of well over 75 people

  • NOTABLE PEOPLE

    Supreme Leader Kim Il-sung; Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il; Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un

  • CRIME

    Nation suffering from a crippling wave of unapproved haircuts

  • EDUCATION

    Often preceded by “forced re-”

  • ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT

    Rich cinematic tradition of both state-approved propaganda and hidden-camera documentaries

  • CUISINE

    Food largely considered a delicacy

  • NATURAL RESOURCES

    Geological pressure on bones in mass graves full of dissidents will produce surplus of oil in approximately 40,000 years

  • PRIMARY EXPORT

    Fleeing citizens

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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