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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

  • Michigan Stadium

    Has been selected by The Saginaw News as the best 100,000-plus-seat venue in Washtenaw County for 13 consecutive years.


  • Stade Roland Garros

    Grunts travel up to 150 percent faster on clay courts than hard courts, making the home of the French Open a favorite among ATP pros.

  • Old Yankee Stadium

    The original home of the Yankees was torn down in 2010, but fans can still visit the grounds to meet historical actors who reveal what it was like throughout important eras.

  • Superdome

    The home of the New Orleans Saints was also briefly home to New Orleans.

  • Arrowhead Stadium

    On September 29, 2014, the stadium finally broke the record for loudest crowd when season ticket holder Allen Haskins sneezed while clapping.

  • Madison Square Garden

    The legendary Manhattan arena has hosted the NBA and NHL Finals, the Final Four, and golf’s U.S. Open.

  • Wario Stadium

    Hairpin turns and gravity-defying jumps make this the true test of the Star Cup.

  • AT&T Stadium

    One of the largest HD video displays in the world hangs from the roof of the Arlington, Texas stadium, giving fans a clear view of the Cowboys playing​ their home games at a separate nearby location.


  • Wrigley Field

    The second-oldest ballpark in baseball still features a charming, hand-operated home plate umpire.

  • Fenway Park

    The stadium is famous for the “Green Monster” in left field, though the more discriminating fan appreciates the complexity and intricacies of the ballpark’s right field fence.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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