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Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

  • Charter Schools

    For the same price as a public school, these institutions can provide the same racial and economic discrimination as private schools

  • European Boarding School

    Though it’s unaffordable for most parents, those who can send their children away to study in Europe often say that it helped them finally secure the full attention of the little brats’ tycoon father

  • Homeschooling

    This alternative education model ensures you can focus on the subjects you think are most important for your child, such as wearing floor-length denim skirts

  • Online School

    The ideal option for kids who, between chores, kickball, and going to the park, never thought they could make full-time grade school work

  • Tuff Pup Academy

    With top-of-the-line instructors and a rigorous workload of sitting, staying, and shaking, this technical school is a great option

  • Military School

    We’re sorry to hear that it’s come to this

  • The Same One Their Brother Went To

    With a curriculum that seemed to be just fine for him, parents are increasingly sending their children to the school down the street that Brendan graduated from last year

  • Reeducation Camp

    The perfect environment for difficult pupils struggling with the correct way of thinking

  • Math Immersion School

    In order to impart a rigorous and well-rounded math education, students are only permitted to speak in numbers and equations

  • Montessori School

    A slightly more supervised version of letting your kid wander around in a field from 8 until 3 every day

  • Public School

    Hey, you might as well take advantage of this while it still exists

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Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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