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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Features Of The New iPhone 7

Apple unveiled the iPhone 7 at a press event Wednesday. Here are some of the smartphone’s new features:

  • Looks more impressive twirling inside white void during video demonstration

  • No longer required to dial 9 before making outside call

  • Put together by a child

  • Preloaded with 5,000 unread work emails

  • Lets user set which government agency their data funneled to

  • New retina display that can only be fully appreciated after laser surgery to enhance vision beyond capabilities of human eyes

  • Siri will no longer refer to Russia as the U.S.S.R.

  • Can get a case for it, if you want

  • Will combust if in the presence of wires

  • Glass now fractures into even smaller, sharper pieces

  • Exclusively compatible with Cricket Wireless

  • Expiration date printed on back allows easy disposal before next iPhone released

More from this section

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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