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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Highlights From The First Half Of The MLB Season

Onion Sports looks back at the finest moments from the first three months of the 2017 Major League Baseball season.

  • Angels star Mike Trout continues his pace to be one of the greatest baseball players of all time, leading fans everywhere from East Anaheim to West Anaheim to take notice

  • Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper offends the game’s traditionalists by trotting instead of running during mound charge

  • With a barrage of home runs, the Yankees’ Aaron Judge disproves the conventional wisdom that extremely large, incredibly strong people cannot succeed in sports

  • The Astros find success behind a core group of young players and excellent pitching, a feat they’ll have to keep up for another three whole months just to make the playoffs

  • MLB admits Statcast software has been calculating batting averages incorrectly the entire season

  • Mariners outfielder Ben Gamel plays with a youthful enthusiasm for the game that will certainly earn him a fastball to the head before season’s end

  • Miami’s Edinson Vólquez throws a no-hitter in front of nearly 300 Marlins fans

  • Some asshole in the stands catches two foul balls in the same game

  • Commissioner Rob Manfred adds more intrigue to the All-Star Game by announcing that the winning team will choose the World Series participants

  • Announcers broadcast a record-high 342 games in “perfect baseball weather”

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