Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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How Confirmation Hearings Work

On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.

  • STEP 1:

    Prospective nominees are vetted to ensure their history of racially charged remarks has not been videotaped

  • STEP 2:

    Name of nominee is submitted for approval to relevant Senate committees and lobbying firms

  • STEP 3:

    Nominee desperately tries to get parrot to stop repeating “I haven’t paid taxes in decades” before investigators show up

  • STEP 4:

    Each nominee receives a financial evaluation, louse check, and thorough scrub-down prior to standing before a committee

  • STEP 5:

    Nominee is questioned extensively about why they would even choose to accept this position

  • STEP 6:

    Personal references called

  • STEP 7:

    Questionable civil rights record given a pass because 20 years was a long time ago

  • STEP 8:

    Rapid-fire round where senators see how many appointments they can confirm in 60 seconds

  • STEP 9:

    Elizabeth Warren just has a few more questions

  • STEP 10:

    Senators admit nominee seems like a dick but hasn’t done anything explicitly against the law

  • STEP 11:

    The nightmare begins

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