Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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How To Keep Your Personal Information Secure

  • Encrypt any important paperwork in a three-speed blender.

  • Make sure the only people who have access to your personal identification, such as birth certificates and social security numbers, are you and a string of old landlords.

  • Monitor your credit card statements to make sure the only unusual purchases are the ones you made on Amazon while drunk.

  • Never provide personal details to anyone you don’t know, such as EMTs and firefighters.

  • Several government agencies are more than willing to hide your personal information in return for sworn testimony against the mafia.

  • Too bad Jack from Jack in the Box didn’t follow these tips. See what the hackers found at

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