‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

  • STEP 1

    Esteemed MPAA executives get together for a viewing of Paddington 2, The Lego Batman Movie, and Saw: Legacy

  • STEP 2

    Board member revived with smelling salts after protagonist utters the term “motherfucker”

  • STEP 3

    Cohort of children under 17 are exposed to the film and then studied for a decade to observe potentially adverse effects over time

  • STEP 4

    Dismembered torsos in scene 36 examined for any obscene nipple exposure

  • STEP 5

    White smoke billows from highest window of MPAA headquarters, indicating to the expectant crowd below that a rating has been chosen

  • STEP 6

    Director immediately rails against the selected rating in order to secure a juicy anecdote for DVD’s audio commentary track

  • STEP 7

    Intrepid preteens duck into illicit theater right after tickets checked

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