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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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How Republicans Plan To Repeal And Replace Obamacare

Congressional Republicans have repeatedly stated their intention to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act soon after Donald Trump takes office. The Onion outlines how that process would work.

  • STEP 1:

    Bring witnesses to congressional hearing to testify about the horrors of being able to afford their cancer treatment

  • STEP 2:

    Obama forced to watch as Mitch McConnell shreds each individual page of the Affordable Care Act in front of him

  • STEP 3:

    Hold press conference to remind Americans we all have to die sometime

  • STEP 4:

    Draft new healthcare bill with, uh, vouchers, maybe? Yeah, vouchers sound good. Put them in there.

  • STEP 5:

    Double-check to make sure there’s no women stuff in there

  • STEP 6:

    Obstruct new healthcare bill a few times purely out of habit

  • STEP 7:

    Do a quick 30,000-page copy edit

  • STEP 8:

    Part where 20 million people lose health insurance

  • STEP 9:

    Republican leaders take celebratory photo with bunch of sick Americans who can no longer afford treatment

  • STEP 10:

    Guy with red lump on thigh guesses he’ll just wait and see

  • STEP 11:

    Paul Ryan goes home and hugs family with firm belief he has done good and important work

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