NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Scientists Teach Sign Language To Gorilla-Suit-Wearing Man

HILLSBORO, OR—In what is being hailed as a major breakthrough by the scientific community, a team of researchers announced Monday that they had successfully taught American Sign Language to a 43-year-old gorilla-suit-wearing man. Scientists at the O...

New Zipcarp Service Offers Short-Term Carp Rentals

BOSTON—Announcing its plan to offer short-term, affordable carp rentals for urbanites and college students who don’t own a carp of their own, Zipcarp Inc. launched a brand-new fish-sharing service earlier this month.
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How Smartphones Have Changed Our Lives

  • Real-time access to thousands of scathing reviews of local Thai restaurants

  • The game of Scrabble now unburdened by the stranglehold of the physical realm, as it was always intended to be

  • People around the globe can connect instantly with any other person who also thought it was well worth $400 hardware plus monthly data plan costs to bear this burden in their pocket every minute of every day

  • That weird thing where you think your phone’s vibrating when it’s not

  • Owning a mere flip phone with the same computational power used to send astronauts to the moon makes you a luddite

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