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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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A Timeline Of Presidential Communication

Today marks 70 years since the first-ever televised presidential address was delivered by President Harry Truman, marking a defining moment in the way presidents communicate with the public. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in presidential communication.

  • February 4, 1789

    George Washington makes history by becoming the first president to communicate with the public by opening his mouth and making words come out

  • January 9, 1790

    In an effort to keep the public informed, Washington delivers the first-ever State Of The Union address after realizing that no one had been reading his Union Roundup monthly newsletter

  • March 4, 1865

    Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address is interrupted by repeated shouts from the audience to do Gettysburg

  • May 10, 1877

    The first White House telephone allows Rutherford B. Hayes to communicate seamlessly with anyone standing in Alexander Graham Bell’s living room

  • June 14, 1922

    Warren G. Harding delivers the first presidential radio address, nicknaming himself “Dr. Hardball” and the American people “The Wolf Pack” for the occasion

  • September 6, 1936

    Franklin D. Roosevelt’s fireside chats grow in popularity when he begins talking about pressing national issues rather than just describing the fire

  • August 17, 1994

    Bill Clinton sends the first-ever presidential email to John Glenn, warning of an imminent threat faced by the nation if he doesn’t send this email to 12 additional people

  • October 12, 2004

    George W. Bush becomes the first president to appear in a three-episode arc of NCIS to promote his No Child Left Behind act

  • May 18, 2015

    In a major social media milestone, Barack Obama establishes the now defunct @POTUS Twitter account

  • October 3, 2017

    Future 48th president Hayley Gutierrez snapchats her best friend being so drunk that she throws up in a mailbox

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