Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Lesser Known MLB Hall Of Fame Artifacts And Exhibits

With over 40,000 baseball artifacts calling Cooperstown home, Onion Sports outlines some of the lesser known exhibits in the MLB Hall of Fame.

  • Tommy Lasorda Game-Worn Jersey

    This Dodger legend’s uniform is displayed behind 6 inches of solid lucite to protect guests from the noxious odor

  • Bill James’ Copy Of Microsoft Excel 1995

    With software donated by the father of sabermetrics, visitors to the Hall can experience firsthand the thrill of running correlation analyses

  • Babe Ruth’s Bat Donut

    The extreme durability of this 14-oz. rubber ring made it the Sultan of Swat’s favorite on-deck chew toy

  • 3D Replica Of Second Base

    A CT scan and the latest in 3D printing technology were used in 2007 to create this highly detailed digital model of a second base bag

  • The Umpire’s Prayer

    Unearthed in Damascus in 1901, this stone tablet is printed with the ancient incantation recited by every professional umpire at their ordination

  • Ebbets Field

    This longtime home of the Brooklyn Dodgers was painstakingly transported brick by brick to Cooperstown in 1960

  • Curt Schilling’s Bloody Jock

    The blood-encrusted jockstrap remains the enduring symbol of the Red Sox pitcher’s gutsy performance playing through a painful urinary infection during Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS

  • Uniform Worn By Mike Scioscia During Kirk Gibson’s 1988 World Series Home Run

    Scioscia wore this very jersey while acting as loyal teammate whose friendship and positive encouragement certainly helped Gibson in one way or another

  • Gary Sheffield’s 350th Home Run Bat

    They needed more bats and this one is pretty good

  • Abner Doubleday’s Seminole Scalp

    The former military general wore this bloody war trophy around his neck every game for good luck

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