MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

  • The Rob Gronkowski Guide To Jane Austen

    Written by the tight end during the 2013 offseason, this guide has been praised by literary critics as the definitive primer on the Austen oeuvre

  • Derrick Rose Aircasts

    The MVP point guard’s custom line of Adidas Aircasts come in both performance and casual wear

  • George Foreman Grills

    The name of this former boxing champ has adorned this product ever since he claimed both the heavyweight title and Joe Frazier Grills, Inc. from the eponymous fighter

  • Roger Federer’s Cardboard Boxes

    Cementing his reputation as the premier athlete for the world’s high-end clientele, Federer has become the face of the finest cardboard boxes on the market

  • Thundr

    NBA All-Star Russell Westbrook designed this app to locate potential free agent acquisitions within a 10-mile radius of Oklahoma City

  • Flutie Flakes

    Advertisements for quarterback Doug Flutie’s cereal encouraged young children to eat these flakes every morning if they hoped to one day grow up to be 5’10” and 175 lbs

  • Kawhi Leonard Microprocessors By Intel

    Leonard agreed to lend his name to the chip after the circuitry powered him to a 2014 NBA Finals MVP

  • Manute Bol Ceiling Pads

    These discreet padded strips are guaranteed to reduce head contusions in the homes of those over 7’5”

  • Cal Ripken Gourmet Burgers

    To honor his record consecutive games streak, Ripken has challenged customers to eat his frozen black angus burgers 2,632 days in a row

  • Mike Tyson Press

    A small literary organization based in Tyson’s hometown of Brooklyn that strives to publish the fiction of underrepresented boxers

  • Michael Jordan Steakhouse

    The Chicago restaurant nearly folded upon opening thanks to the namesake’s vicious browbeating of maitre d’s, sous chefs, and busboys as soft and weak

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