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Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Obamacare Vs. The GOP’s New Health Plan

Key
  • O Obamacare
  • G GOP’s Plan
  • INDIVIDUAL MANDATE:
    • O

      Those who don’t obtain health insurance are penalized

    • G

      Those who don’t obtain impeccable health are penalized

  • PREEXISTING CONDITIONS:
    • O

      Americans covered regardless of preexisting conditions

    • G

      Insurers no longer forced to cover Americans stricken with condition of poverty

  • PERMITS INSURANCE COMPANIES TO FUCK AMERICANS OVER:
    • O

      Yes

    • G

      Yes

  • HEALTH SAVINGS ACCOUNTS:
    • O

      Allows individuals to deposit up to $3,400 and families up to $6,750 into tax-free health savings account

    • G

      Every savings account now a health savings account

  • AVERAGE COST OF HOSPITAL VISIT:
    • O

      Devastating

    • G

      Ruinous

  • BEST UNDERSTOOD VIA SERIES OF SIDE-BY-SIDE BULLET POINT COMPARISONS:
    • O

      Yeah

    • G

      Of course

  • OBJECTIVE:
    • O

      Relieve patients of high healthcare costs

    • G

      Relieve insurance companies of high healthcare costs

  • COVERAGE OF CHILDREN:
    • O

      Creates unacceptable culture of entitlement by allowing children to stay on parents’ plan until age of 26

    • G

      Unchanged

  • FREEZING BODY TO BE THAWED OUT AND REVIVED BY FUTURE GENERATIONS:
    • O

      Not covered

    • G

      Not covered

  • ASSOCIATION WITH DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT THAT PREVENTS REPUBLICANS FROM SUPPORTING LAW:
    • O

      Yes

    • G

      Nope!

  • OVERALL EFFECT:
    • O

      Worst law in the history of the United States

    • G

      Slightly worse than that

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