Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

  • Beach Mattress

    Don’t forget to pack a big, colorful mattress if you plan on sunbathing

  • Tribute To The Crabs

    If you’re going to spend any significant amount of time on their territory, the crabs will expect you to pay your respects with a small token or morsel of food

  • Dell Inspiron 15 3000 Series

    This affordable and robust laptop has a long battery life, 4GB of memory, and enough GPU to handle any game in your library

  • Extra Sand

    Sand is an essential part of every beach trip, and you don’t want to be stranded without it

  • Snacks

    A couple rotisserie chickens and a small selection of sausage links should do the trick

  • 55-Gallon Drum Of Coppertone

    Protect your skin from UV rays by staying completely submerged in SPF 50

  • Seagull Scarecrow

    Protect your snacks from gulls with a scarecrow designed to look exactly like a 6-foot-tall lifeguard

  • Orca You Nursed Back To Health

    If you happen to have one of these lying around, a trip to the beach is the perfect opportunity to release the creature you befriended and healed back into the wild

  • Photos Of Friends And Family

    Make the beach feel like home with a few framed pictures and keepsakes

  • Enough Stones To Fill Your Pockets

    The sea beckons with her calming embrace

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