adBlockCheck

Tips

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

  • Beach Mattress

    Don’t forget to pack a big, colorful mattress if you plan on sunbathing

  • Tribute To The Crabs

    If you’re going to spend any significant amount of time on their territory, the crabs will expect you to pay your respects with a small token or morsel of food

  • Dell Inspiron 15 3000 Series

    This affordable and robust laptop has a long battery life, 4GB of memory, and enough GPU to handle any game in your library

  • Extra Sand

    Sand is an essential part of every beach trip, and you don’t want to be stranded without it

  • Snacks

    A couple rotisserie chickens and a small selection of sausage links should do the trick

  • 55-Gallon Drum Of Coppertone

    Protect your skin from UV rays by staying completely submerged in SPF 50

  • Seagull Scarecrow

    Protect your snacks from gulls with a scarecrow designed to look exactly like a 6-foot-tall lifeguard

  • Orca You Nursed Back To Health

    If you happen to have one of these lying around, a trip to the beach is the perfect opportunity to release the creature you befriended and healed back into the wild

  • Photos Of Friends And Family

    Make the beach feel like home with a few framed pictures and keepsakes

  • Enough Stones To Fill Your Pockets

    The sea beckons with her calming embrace

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close