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Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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The Onion’s Guide To Wedding Attire

As wedding season approaches, The Onion provides a guide to help guests make the perfect sartorial choice.

  • Guests should avoid wearing white, but beige is passable if it’s just Melissa’s wedding

  • White-tie attire is very strict: floor-length evening gown for women, and floor-length tailcoat, floor-length shirt, floor-length tie, floor-length vest, and floor-length gloves for men

  • Many women choose to observe family tradition by wearing the cocktail dress their mother wore on her cousin’s wedding day

  • Bridesmaids will wear an A-line chiffon halter dress in salmon pink and like it

  • If the invitation says “Windwaker attire,” dress for a more casual Legend Of Zelda-themed wedding than you would for a more formal Ocarina Of Time event

  • Wear an eye-catching pop of color, especially if you plan on interrupting the ceremony to convince one member of the couple to come away with you

  • Yeah, those shoes should be fine

  • Wearing The Serpent’s Amulet will make you irresistible to everyone you encounter, but keep in mind you must be home before the moon sits high above the clouds and the transformation begins, so plan ahead

  • It’s critical to find out what styles the wedding party is wearing so you don’t show up in the same dress as the flower girl again

  • If you’re a man, just find some kind of suit in a dark color and put it on

More from this section

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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