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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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A Primer On History’s Greatest Presidents

In honor of President’s Day, The Onion provides a primer on the country’s most noteworthy commanders-in-chief.

  • George Washington: America’s first white president

  • Andrew Jackson: Provided a valuable template for future leaders to murder thousands of non-whites without everyone turning it into a big thing

  • William Henry Harrison: Holds the distinction of doing the least damage to the nation’s legacy of any president in history

  • Abraham Lincoln: The 16th president is celebrated for leading the Union to victory in the war against states’ rights

  • Theodore Roosevelt: Holds record for killing the most black rhinos while in office

  • William Howard Taft: The accomplished statesman who also served as chief justice of the Supreme Court is remembered for being fat

  • Franklin D. Roosevelt: Inspired the 22nd Amendment by demonstrating that more than two terms in office will cause a fatal cerebral hemorrhage

  • Lyndon B. Johnson: Returned America to a state of normalcy after its terrifying three-year brush with Catholicism

  • Gerald Ford: Smart enough to figure out how to bypass the humiliating process of getting elected

  • Jimmy Carter: The only president thus far to have been granted eternal life

  • Ronald Reagan: Throughout his two terms in office, Reagan boldly challenged the prevailing notion that a president must give a shit about poor people

  • Winston Reeves: A master Freemason, Reeves has ably run the country since 1989 as the nation’s 12th shadow president

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