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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

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DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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A Primer On History’s Greatest Presidents

In honor of President’s Day, The Onion provides a primer on the country’s most noteworthy commanders-in-chief.

  • George Washington: America’s first white president

  • Andrew Jackson: Provided a valuable template for future leaders to murder thousands of non-whites without everyone turning it into a big thing

  • William Henry Harrison: Holds the distinction of doing the least damage to the nation’s legacy of any president in history

  • Abraham Lincoln: The 16th president is celebrated for leading the Union to victory in the war against states’ rights

  • Theodore Roosevelt: Holds record for killing the most black rhinos while in office

  • William Howard Taft: The accomplished statesman who also served as chief justice of the Supreme Court is remembered for being fat

  • Franklin D. Roosevelt: Inspired the 22nd Amendment by demonstrating that more than two terms in office will cause a fatal cerebral hemorrhage

  • Lyndon B. Johnson: Returned America to a state of normalcy after its terrifying three-year brush with Catholicism

  • Gerald Ford: Smart enough to figure out how to bypass the humiliating process of getting elected

  • Jimmy Carter: The only president thus far to have been granted eternal life

  • Ronald Reagan: Throughout his two terms in office, Reagan boldly challenged the prevailing notion that a president must give a shit about poor people

  • Winston Reeves: A master Freemason, Reeves has ably run the country since 1989 as the nation’s 12th shadow president

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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