Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

The Princess Bride was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. The Onion looks back at The Princess Bride 30 years later.

  • 72:

    Number of Rodents Of Unusual Size killed in the making of the film

  • 18:

    Months of fencing training Peter Falk underwent so he could accurately describe fencing to Fred Savage’s character

  • 18,435:

    Strangers who have asked Wallace Shawn to say “inconceivable” while he was just trying to buy groceries

  • 500 lbs:

    Amount of weight Andre The Giant lost in preparation for his role as Fezzik

  • $8 million:

    Box office profits exclusively from dads tasked with taking the kids out to give mom a goddamn minute to herself

  • 1:

    Number of working eyes Peter Falk needed to be one of the greatest actors of all time—believe in yourself!

  • 892,760:

    Philistines who know Peter Cook only from this

  • 54:

    Cliffs who auditioned to play the The Cliffs Of Insanity, a part that ultimately went to the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland

  • 78,549:

    Number of times the iconic line, “as you wish,” is repeated throughout the film

  • 102 degrees Fahrenheit:

    Body temperature at which you should stop telling stories and get your child to the hospital

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