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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

  • Pro
    • Having to wait for the car to charge would be a fresh new excuse for being late to work

    • Silent engine makes startling rollerbladers much easier

    • Driving one makes up for every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life

    • In the event of a car accident, a lithium-ion battery explosion would be way cooler than regular old gas explosion

    • Handles smoothly on both highway and ex’s lawn

    • Goes “beep beep” just like real car

  • Con
    • Not available as a 1976 Chevy Mustang

    • Scientists not yet certain if it’s safe to drive in the rain

    • The phrase “fill ’er up” could fall out of use completely

    • Koch brothers have already been through a lot lately

    • Having to ask around to find out if anyone has an electric car charger on them pretty inconvenient

    • Could prolong the presence of human beings on planet Earth

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