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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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The Pros And Cons Of Universal Basic Income

As Finland tests a program to give a universal basic income to unemployed citizens, many wonder if a similar initiative could work in the United States. Here are some pros and cons of such a program:

  • Pro
    • Would make people feel valued by their government in precise capitalist terms they can understand

    • Privileged elite no longer the only ones with access to Pizza Hut Triple Treat Box

    • Whole basic human dignity thing

    • Opens up more opportunities to use the phrase “sucking at the government’s teat”

    • The look on some rich prick’s face hearing about this for the first time

    • More marks for your pyramid scheme

  • Con
    • System can be exploited by “welfare queens” who live lavishly on the spoils of their $500 monthly allotment

    • Recipients might lose sight of the value of hard work, the most noble and treasured aspect of American life

    • Would take forever to sign all those checks

    • Encourages entrepreneurship among dumbasses who dream of opening a fucking cupcake truck or some other bullshit

    • The long-term effects of bestowing lower class with a sense of dignity are currently unknown

    • Leveling the playing field would be detrimental to the vast minority of Americans

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