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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

  • 4,000 BC-1972 AD

    Everything Star Wars stole from

  • 1975

    George Lucas decides to expand his short PSA about the dangers of trash compactors into a feature film

  • 1977

    The FCC receives thousands of complaints about Chewbacca’s excessive on-screen nudity

  • 1981

    14-year-old Joseph Fuller explains the Force to his mother

  • 1983

    Thousands of unwanted Ewoks end up in pounds around the country after a spike in parents buying them as Christmas presents for children

  • 1990

    A Star Wars TV spin-off about rival X-wing pilots reworked into NBC’s Wings

  • 1993

    George Lucas begins work on the prequels by brainstorming some possible merchandising opportunities

  • 1994

    The Max Rebo Band breaks up following the death of slitherhornist Doda Bodonawieedo, who overdosed after mixing heroin with Jawa juice

  • 2005

    Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge Of The Sith suffers disappointing loss at Cannes Film Festival to Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne’s L’Enfant

  • 2011

    44-year-old Joseph Fuller explains the Force to his mother

  • 2015

    George Lucas downloads a pirated copy of The Force Awakens

  • 2041

    Critics conclude that Star Wars: Episode XXIV—Revenge Of The Force is better than Episodes I-III, IX-XIV, and XX-XXIII, but not as good as Episodes IV-VIII or XV-XIX

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