End Of Section
  • More News

Strongside/Weakside: Sidney Crosby

  • Strongside
    • Quite the little hockey player

    • Inducted into NHL Hall of Fame after third game

    • Unlike many star athletes, doesn’t have to worry about distraction of being recognized on the street

    • Once scored a goal that made the goalie’s Gatorade bottle fly off the top of the net

    • Is also Alexander Ovechkin

    • Uses skates to make shaved ice treats for kids in the stands

  • Weakside
    • Insists referees turn off icing before every match

    • During face-offs, opposing players often steal his stick and jersey to sell at sports memorabilia auctions

    • Despite great hands and soft touch, lost a face-off in 2003

    • Never replaces his ice divots after slapshots

    • New Reebok Sidney Crosby skates not selling as well as most would have hoped

    • As is the case with star Pittsburgh athletes, is at high risk for contracting Hodgkin’s disease or dying in a plane crash while flying supplies to disaster victims

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.