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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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A Timeline Of Aviation History

This Saturday marks 90 years since aviator Charles Lindbergh made his historic first nonstop solo transatlantic flight from New York to Paris aboard the Spirit Of St. Louis. The Onion takes a look back at the most important milestones in the history of aviation.

  • 150,000,000 B.C.

    Birds seem to have it down pretty well

  • 1485

    Leonardo da Vinci draws detailed sketch of an airline passenger

  • 1709

    Bartolomeu de Gusmão designs an airship similar to a modern hot air balloon that is immediately confiscated by his Algebra teacher

  • 1873-1898

    Inclement weather delays

  • 1903

    Orville and Wilbur Wright’s first flight at Kitty Hawk gives hope that humans might one day have the technology to leave North Carolina

  • 1909

    The first flight by a commercial airline is followed moments later by the first public apology by a commercial airline

  • 1914

    Aviation engineers make breakthrough discovery that these things can also be used to kill people

  • 1944

    Oklahoma A&M basketball player Bob Kurland becomes the first person to dunk

  • 1980

    Spirit Airlines launches with the goal of bringing the glamour of bus travel to the air

  • 2102

    Baby cries throughout entire flight from Tampa to Mars

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