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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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A Timeline Of Construction On The White House

George Washington laid the cornerstone of the White House 225 years ago this week, and the building has undergone almost constant change and renovation since then. Here’s a timeline showing how the White House was built.

  • 1791

    George Washington gets fed up with his crappy D.C. condo

  • 1814

    British soldiers redecorate the White House considerably by setting it on fire

  • 1890

    First light bulb installed after Benjamin Harrison bangs his toe against his bed for the last fucking time

  • 1902

    The building is renovated to include the West Wing under President Theodore Roosevelt, who until then had been signing bills while sitting cross-legged on his bed

  • 1909

    President Taft has a slim-fitting bathtub installed

  • 1951

    President Eisenhower finally gets around to finishing the basement

  • 1974

    Immediately upon assuming office, President Gerald Ford fills in Nixon’s moat

  • 1981

    Ronald Reagan shows support for the free market economy by replacing rooftop solar panels with a rooftop hydraulic fracking rig

  • 1994

    Congress authorizes the installation of a Boyz II Men poster in Chelsea Clinton’s bedroom

  • 2017

    President Trump orders new televisions for the West Wing after staring at a painting of Abraham Lincoln in frustration for 20 minutes

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