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Tips

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

  • Start early to help your child understand that summer vacation is but a fleeting moment of relaxation in a life that will be otherwise filled with responsibilities

  • Don’t go back-to-school shopping on an empty stomach as you may end up buying extra rulers to snack on that you don’t actually want or need

  • Anything other than Mead is social suicide

  • Have a candid discussion with your child about how hard they think they’ll try this year and adjust your shopping list accordingly

  • Drain back-to-school time of what little excitement it has for your kids by using old binders and leftover paper you already own

  • Many schools provide a list of supplies kids need so you can get an idea of what will be sold out when you get to Staples

  • Buy a few binder sizes up so they have something to grow into

  • Used clothing and hand-me-downs from older siblings help ensure that your child will not be distracted from their schoolwork by friends or social events

  • If you’re on a tight budget, use Craigslist to find cheap, lightly-used glue sticks

  • Encourage your kids not to lose their supplies by telling them their new pencil case contains the soul of their dead grandmother

  • Just look at what Dakota’s parents are buying this year

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The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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