adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Trump White House’s Fourth Of July Celebration Schedule

Each year, the White House hosts an Independence Day celebration. Here is what the Trump White House has planned this year.

  • 8:00 a.m.

    Staff present the president with a one-page report laying out what the Fourth of July is

  • 9:00 a.m.

    Military honor guard to fire a volley for each of Trump’s 304 electoral votes

  • 10:00 a.m.

    Children gather on the South Lawn for the annual White House Roman Candle Hunt

  • 10:30 a.m.

    President Trump signs the original Declaration of Independence

  • 11:00 a.m.

    First Lady Melania Trump takes Barron to Six Flags for the day

  • 12:00 p.m.

    Speech by President Trump honoring veterans and promising to create more of them than any other president in history

  • 3:30 p.m.

    Reince Priebus to be fired seconds after taking a huge bite of potato salad

  • 4:00 p.m.

    Reveal of Ivanka Trump’s all-new American flag, which she designed with working women in mind

  • 5:00 p.m.

    Email sent out by Sean Spicer letting everyone know that he’s still got plenty of burgers at his backyard barbecue if anyone wants to come by

  • 8:00 p.m.

    Send Eric Trump to bed with a stomachache after eating too many sparklers

  • 8:30 p.m.

    Senior economist Greg Leiserson performs beautiful a capella version of “God Bless The USA”

  • 9:00 p.m.

    Fireworks display will serve as strong show of force toward D.C. suburbs

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close