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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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What To Expect From A Live-Action ‘Beauty And The Beast’

Disney unveiled the trailer for its live-action adaptation of its 1991 film Beauty And The Beast, which comes out in March 2017. Here’s what viewers have to look forward to:

  • Filmmakers to further explore candlestick’s insatiable passion for feather duster

  • Emma Watson puts her theatrical range to the test by portraying a lovely girl who reads a lot

  • While all characters will now be portrayed by humans, vocals will all still be performed by cartoons

  • Footrest walking around like a dog in full, horrific 3D

  • Fully reimagined Beast character rewritten from misunderstood loner into sullen anti-hero

  • Inclusion of brand-new song by Alan Menken and Tim Rice called “Hey Hey, I’m The Beast”

  • Approximately 90 minutes of entertainment

  • State-of-the-art CGI to render Gaston’s biceps even more sculpted

  • At least three more of these things if it nabs over $400 million domestically

  • Moral of story still roughly that ugly people do not deserve love

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