How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
End Of Section
  • More News

What To Expect From A Live-Action ‘Beauty And The Beast’

Disney unveiled the trailer for its live-action adaptation of its 1991 film Beauty And The Beast, which comes out in March 2017. Here’s what viewers have to look forward to:

  • Filmmakers to further explore candlestick’s insatiable passion for feather duster

  • Emma Watson puts her theatrical range to the test by portraying a lovely girl who reads a lot

  • While all characters will now be portrayed by humans, vocals will all still be performed by cartoons

  • Footrest walking around like a dog in full, horrific 3D

  • Fully reimagined Beast character rewritten from misunderstood loner into sullen anti-hero

  • Inclusion of brand-new song by Alan Menken and Tim Rice called “Hey Hey, I’m The Beast”

  • Approximately 90 minutes of entertainment

  • State-of-the-art CGI to render Gaston’s biceps even more sculpted

  • At least three more of these things if it nabs over $400 million domestically

  • Moral of story still roughly that ugly people do not deserve love


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.