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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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What To Expect From Taylor Swift’s Upcoming Album

Taylor Swift will release her first album in over two years on November 10, and the album’s first two singles have already prompted intense speculation. Here’s what to expect from Reputation.

  • A raw, honest collaboration with Drake about the benefits of Apple Music

  • Full-fledged attack on Mrs. Rosen, an English teacher that once gave Swift a B on an essay

  • A few solid tips for relieving swollen feet and ankles

  • An undeniably catchy song that will be disliked by millions of liars

  • Heart-wrenching ballad about a mysterious brown delivery truck that leaves just as fast as it came

  • Drums

  • A triumphant ode to feminism and female friendship as a brand strategy

  • At least three songs recorded in front of a live audience at Folsom State Prison

  • Bonus harmonies available exclusively at Target

  • 12-15 pretty okay tracks that will each become one of the most successful songs of all time

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