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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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What Obama Hopes To Accomplish Before Leaving The White House

On January 20, President Barack Obama’s second term will draw to a close, ending his role as a world leader. Here are some items Obama still hopes to accomplish before leaving office:

  • Stay up all night and watch the sunrise with entire cabinet

  • Make sure “killed Osama bin Laden” displayed prominently on résumé

  • Few more weeks of attempting to convince us that our differences make us stronger

  • Defeat ISIS, pass immigration reform, repair broken criminal justice system, secure peace throughout Middle East

  • Re-rack eight years’ worth of strewn dumbbells

  • Mercifully kill Obamacare before Republicans have opportunity to slowly gut it

  • Take Merrick Garland out for drink

  • Rally community to put on show that will save the Tumblebrook Playhouse from demolition

  • Leave White House staff with detailed list of each predator drone’s individual needs

  • Get a few things off his chest in final press conference

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