adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

  • Q: What are Trump’s advisors accused of doing?

    A: Violating the Logan Act, which states that American civilians must wait until after they take political office to commit treason.

  • Q: Why did Flynn lie about his phone calls with the Russian ambassador?

    A: The humble general doesn’t like to draw too much attention to his collusion with foreign governments.

  • Q: Is it possible that Flynn really didn’t recall illegally discussing Russian sanctions?

    A: An outspoken advocate of intervention in the Middle East, Flynn is known to have a somewhat short memory.

  • Q: Did Trump know about the contact between his team and Russian intelligence?

    A: All evidence thus far suggests that Trump hasn’t been cognizant of the world outside his head since at least 1993.

  • Q: Didn’t Rex Tillerson receive the Russian Order of Friendship?

    A: We’re talking about a completely different cozy relationship with Putin right now, okay?

  • Q: Are Trump and Putin friends?

    A: Psychologists believe that while sociopaths can seem friendly with one another, they’re unable to form the type of bond required for meaningful relationships.

  • Q: Is this exactly the kind of change Washington needed?

    A: No.

  • Q: What will come out of a congressional probe into this matter?

    A: Nothing a few news cycles can’t bury.

  • Q: Why are so many Republican congressmen reluctant to investigate?

    A: As a matter of professional decorum, they would never dream of impugning a sitting president.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close