Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

  • 1926

    Noted English author A.A. Milne plagiarizes beloved British children’s book Winston The Proper Plaything For Young Lads

  • 1926-2016

    Eeyore, the introspective donkey, quickly becomes a favorite among readers who are sad pieces of shit that everybody hates

  • 1928

    Critics blast sequel The House At Pooh Corner as a derivative retread that fails to develop Owl and Roo

  • 1956

    Milne passes away before having a chance to witness the full extent of his characters’ commercialized mutation

  • 1961

    Acquisition by Walt Disney Productions the only reason you’ve heard of any of this at all

  • 1985

    Last heffalump dies in captivity

  • 1995

    Parent advocacy groups demand at least one heterosexual character be added to Winnie-the-Pooh’s circle of friends

  • 2003

    Piglet’s Big Movie, despite grossing $63 million worldwide, somehow not remotely the most successful movie to star a pig

  • 2004-2011

    Franchise kept alive exclusively through Aunt Lisa’s sweatshirt collection

  • 2026

    Many children continue to dislike reading

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